Here's to growth, baby steps are better than no steps at all.
This is something I've been thinking about for a while:
This is something I've been thinking about for a while:
You know how life is often labeled a journey, a walk, or even an adventure? Well I'm beginning to realize that that's only half of it. Life is not just ONE journey, or a single adventure. It's multiple different walks or opportunities in succession, all connected but constantly changing.
When I was in high school one of the Educational Assistants, about 10 years older than me, told me something I've never forgotten. We were discussing the "soul-searching" stage that I and all my friends were going through, and she told me she's never stopped soul searching. She said that in life, you are continually in a state of discovering yourself, that you will never completely be the "finished product." I can't say I fully understood what she meant then, and I'll admit it unnerved me. I wasn't exactly excited about this confusing, conflicting stage where I wasn't sure what my purpose was or what I wanted my life to be like. I wasn't delighted, either, about the idea that it would continue to occur multiple times in my life. I just wanted to make it to when the questions were all answered and I had "found myself".
Now, years later, I think I'm finally understanding what she meant. I'm am so incredibly different from the girl I was at only 14. Sometimes I can't even believe I was her, to be honest. I'm not the same person as I was in high school, either... Thank God for that. When I look back at her, I can see how far I've come, how much more confident in myself and happy I am. I'm not even the same person as I was a year or two ago, and I'm so excited for what the future will bring!
In all this looking back and seeing where I've been and where I am now, this is when I'm truly happy for CHANGE. It's like I finally know it's not a bad thing! :) It's f*cking scary at times and I'm often tempted to run from it, but without change I would be the same sad, broken girl I was back then. I would never know confidence like I do now (mind you, I still have a long way to go... but that's the exciting part!) And without it, I would never have met so many wonderful people that influenced and inspired me, who loved me for who I was, and showed me that I'm valuable. That's something you can't replace.
So now instead of one journey where you slowly develop over time, I view life as a myriad of choices, opprotunities, and growth... and lots and lots of change. Of course, at your very core of who you are, you stay true (or should!) but it too gains new perspectives as you learn and go through life. With all the changing and growing, never betray the core of who you are! I've tried and it's painful. And you don't need to, that core is what makes you unique and a true individual. Don't fall into the need to conform, it doesn't work and there's a lot of peices to pick up afterwards, trust me.
Anyways, all this to say that finding yourself should never be the goal... because even if you do, you won't stay that way. Instead, try to be the best version of yourself that you can and strive for true joy and confidence in who you are. That's all you can do, really.
And that's all folks. Stay happy and healthy.
~ Camila
